Knowing WHO HE IS so that I KNOW WHO I AM

Its 11:00pm and I am staying over with August and Monica at the Gay's residence (one of their sponsor homes while they were in Cadre and close friends). We are working the Get Motivated Seminar tomorrow morning and our call time to be there is 5am and both of our homes are about an hour away from the venue, needless to say we decided to crash here so that are bodies are not dead throughout the day.

But even though I need to wake up in about 5 hrs my mind is filled with words and thoughts that need to be emptied out, maybe after writing this blog I'll be tired enough to fall asleep on this comfy leather couch.

Its been almost one month since I've been living in Arkansas, yes, can you believe it? Its craziness! Throughout the weeks I've been learning a lot about myself with the help of God pointing things out. Its one of the purposes I believe God had me move up here.

If you know me, then you know I'm a pretty much out going and fun to be around with. I like to make people laugh and be silly, normally I'm a social butterfly and like to pretty much talk to anyone.

However i find myself a little silent this past month as i step into this new season. I'm finding out that I'm not as social as I thought I was when I'm in an unknown territory. Its not because I don't know how to be "social" its because I don't know anyone. I'm that type of person that wants to know EVERYONE. I can't control that right now and its out of my hands, I'm completely stripped away from my familiarity and comfort. Here is where God begins to show me some of that insecurity. Insecurity? What? NO! I'm insecure about being social and connecting? Huh?

Yeah, its true ladies and gents, when I don't know most of the people in the room I tend to shut down and close off.
I tend to be the quiet one in the room now rather then being the loudest one. I catch myself spending more time on my phone looking up twitter and Facebook updates then being out going. Why? that's not me....

Is this normal when you're new? I was talking to August this morning and he said he loves being the new guy and just talking to people he doesn't know. So I'm not sure and really, it made me think why I'm feeling this way.

I'm finding out that this insecurity connects to my other insecurity; I struggle with people's acceptance and approval, its improving and I'm still working on it but when I don't feel accepted I tend to shut down, which is what's happening, but its not that the people here aren't accepting its that I don't know them and therefore there's not a connecting point that makes me feel ok right away and therefore I'm not as social as usual. Get it?

So God is working something out in me, Its stretching me and He's pin pointing out what I need to work on throughout this season. I must keep giving it to the Lord and trust Him. I have to keep surrendering His guidance and be ok with unknown. Its funny because if you saw me back in Florida around my friends and family, you would think, man, he's bold and so outgoing. \ Its humbling to see when God takes you out of your comfort zone how much you truly know about yourself.

I must continue to KNOW WHO HE IS so that I can continue to KNOW WHO I AM. The moment I stop learning Who He is, is the moment I stop learning Who I am.

Its a work in progress right now as I continue to experience my surroundings.

I've been so blessed to have my brother from another mother August and his wife Monica here. Ever since they came back from their Honeymoon they have been connecting me and making it feel like home and that puts the uncomfortableness at ease.

ANNNNND I'm blessed to meet so many great people already from the church that has welcomed me with open arms, that also makes things a bit easier!

So pray for me on this one would ya? Its a lesson in progress and I'm learning. Pray that I breakthrough these insecurities and that I learn to become ok with the un-familiar. That I might become bolder in connecting with people I come in contact so that I can show people who I am to show people Who He is.

It worked, I'm tired and ready for bed. Goodnight!

Love y'all!
Josh