To Die is to Gain...Kill Me!

So its been awhile since I've written, I should write more, I miss it.



Its been a whirlwind of a few months, summer is basically over, just one more week till Fall :) then of course winter! The end of the year is nearly over. wow how time moves.



My life this past Summer was interesting, I was stretched, challenged, frustrated, happy, sad all at once. I felt as though different parts of my life were going in all directions, my heart was heavy upon many things and I honestly just did not know what to do. Towards the end of the summer I became frustrated with where I was at. I was challenged to look beyond the normal routine and to venture out to the unknown. Although my flesh and everything inside me wanted to jump to that opportunity I was held back by respondsabilities and the calling placed here in the now, I just didn't have complete peace about it you know? and it seemed as it was getting more complicated when I tried to put the plans into action. So After much prayer and conversations with my heavenly Father I was reminded that here is where I need to be for now. FOR NOW..:)



Its difficult because when you hear about what all can happen and what all you can experience, everything inside of you wants to GO, you want to just run into it, you want to take that jump! However that's not always the case with each individual calling and at this moment, thats not the case for me. There are times when God will have you at one place until you can't stand it anymore, you want to quit, you want to give it all up only to have you stay there a little longer just to see how faithful you'll become. How much faithful will you serve when your sick of it and want something new, its easy to walk in faithfulness and serve when everything all around you is peachy and going your way....Except what happens when your stripped, when your exposed, when friends and family leave you, when people talk about you and come against you, what happens then? what happens when you get sick and tired, when your ready to quit, your at that breaking point and God doesn't speak, you scream from the bottom of your heart and no reply. What then?



What you had in mind is now shattered into pieces and no one knows. Your burden for the calling increases but your not moved, your stuck, you start finding a way out and every door shuts, yet your heart keeps growing and the burden for your calling is still heavy. You seek for position and all your get is opposition, your frustrated and your ready to run out that door and leave everything behind.



Your left with a decision, to walk out that door without the blessing and the authority of Christ or to stay and be faithful to what you've been called too, you haven't been told to move forward but the temptation is there to do so and your frustration pushes you even further.



This what I've faced for the past 4 months and though I have come so close to quitting, I REMAIN. Its hard to remain, but nevertheless this is what I am currently being faithful in and God wants to know what I will do in this moment when I truly want to quit, will I? or will I still be faithful?



Just like God calls you out, will you be faithfull to pursue? or will you remain when he has called you to? For me its been reversed, I want to go out, do new things, but God has called me In, to remain for another season and to be extremely faithful in my serving. Regardless of leadership, location, church, ministry, people, circumstances, I must remain faithful and serve unto the Lord with perserverence and with all my heart, with everything, and though I want to quit, I mustn't and though I want to walk out that door, I can't. I have been assigned which pertains to my calling, therefore I must remian until He has switched my assignement. However long it takes, I must remain faithful to my assignment, not only just faitful but also effective, shake everything of what I want and what I desire, die to self and be effective in my faithfulness, to allow God to use me best during this assignement. Its hard because you see most of your friends move on to their assignments and sometimes people won't understand and its hard to see them take positions that you've so longed for and experience places you've wanted to go but your assignment is here, and here is where I'll remain until I've been reassigned to another post.



So, my prayer is to stay strong and become more effective this year than all of the other years I have been faithful in, may this season be a season of fruitfulness and servanthood.



Till then...